The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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