You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
