i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
