So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
