Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
