Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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