OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
