Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
