I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
