Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
whose parrot is this?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
