I'm passing your future prison.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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