i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
