My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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