And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
