I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
