I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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