We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
