He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
