i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
