This is not my ceiling
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
