I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
