so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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