Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
