You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
