Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
