Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
