If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he was CRYING into my vagina
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
