So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My dick has a subreddit
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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