I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
