plz talk dirty to me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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