I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
