Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
