I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
