Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
