Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
