It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
