Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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