the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
