Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
