My liver just broke up with me...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she smelled like a LAN party
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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