I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
