after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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