her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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