"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish you could order shots online.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
