Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
