She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
