I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
