haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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