that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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