Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just threw up on my dentist
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
