$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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