can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
