Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
